If You Don’t Love Online Dating, You’re Doing It Wrong — A Million Happy Thoughts

Originally published at www.amillionhappythoughts.com

My first Tinder date was a nightmare.

We did the usual match, flirt, and number exchange and then made plans to grab drinks later that week.

Unfortunately, punctuality was not his strong suit. I waited twenty minutes without hearing from him before he finally showed up. He barely apologized, but I was determined to give him a chance, so I let it slide.

We sat down and ordered drinks, covering the bases of small talk. Where do you work? Where are you from? How long have you lived here?

It was clear before the drinks even arrived that we had nothing in common. He rambled on about the video games he played, and somehow interpreted my glazed-over eyes and sarcastic “wows” as genuine interest.

After a bit, I feigned a yawn and made up an excuse about having to wake up early the next day. I walked away feeling apathetic about the evening.

It wasn’t great. But it was hardly a waste of time.

I didn’t go on a date with him because I was looking for my Prince Charming. Honestly, I kind of knew we wouldn’t hit it off.

I went on a date with him because dating made me feel nervous, uncomfortable and awkward. And I didn’t want to live my whole life in fear of it.

So I decided to practice. I wanted to go on a date while I didn’t care much about the outcome so I would be ready for when I actually did care.

When I was in high school, I took a class that assigned us to arrange at least ten informational interviews with companies we were interested in.

They wanted to get us comfortable sitting in interviews that didn’t matter, so we would be confident interviewing for our dream job when it came along.

I showed up to my first interview and stumbled over my words. I had trouble making eye contact. I was nervous and unsure of myself.

However, by the tenth interview, I was a different person. I understood the routine. I felt confident in myself. And because of that, I felt comfortable.

Dating is no different.

For a variety of reasons, I am not looking for my life partner quite yet. But that hasn’t stopped me from going on dates.

In fact, it’s been quite the opposite.

I want to go on lots of dates now so when I do want to settle down, I will know exactly what I’m looking for and how to get it.

It’s been great practice. I don’t get nervous before a first date anymore. And I feel confident that I can handle meeting new people in any life situation, which is a valuable skill to have.

And even better — each person that I meet has interesting stories and experiences that are brand new to me. Each person has something that I can learn from. Each person brings something beautiful to my life.

Tinder has a bad reputation for being filled with creeps and crazies. While this may be true, I think dating apps are vastly under-appreciated.

Before online dating, we were limited to our inner circles. Maybe you would run into someone new at a bar, but other than that, you were confined to the people you already had relationships with. With dating apps, you literally have hundreds of people at the tips of your fingers at any given moment.

I don’t understand why people sometimes feel ashamed of being on dating apps. These things are incredible!

You can strike up conversations with people you never would have met ordinarily. You can connect with people outside of your regular routine, which provides thousands of opportunities to learn and expand your mind. Why are we viewing this as an embarrassment instead of as the beautiful tool that it is?

I love Tinder. Yes, I’ve matched with some aggressive d-bags that send degrading messages. But what did it cost me? Four seconds of my time to unmatch them. Should that scare me away from all of the intelligent, interesting and exciting strangers out there? No!

If you’re going on dates to find your soul mate, stop. Dating is a time to learn about other people, to see what your options are, to expand your horizon of the world.

And Tinder is an incredible tool to accomplish that. You have the potential to step outside of your social circle and meet people you never would have given the chance otherwise.

What if, instead of going into every date thinking, “is s/he the one?” you go in thinking, “what can I learn from her/him?”

We should view dating as what it is — a way to get to know another person in a casual setting, with no obligation or commitment.

Dates are supposed to be fun! There is no need to stress about whether the person will like you, or if you’re pretty enough, or if there will be awkward silences.

Instead of using dating to reevaluate your own self-worth, see it as an opportunity for growth, learning, and experiencing. You already know that you’re incredible — you don’t need a stranger’s validation to remind you.

Be careful not to fall into this trap.

I went through a period where I noticed I was opening Tinder every time I felt lonely and insecure. I wanted to match with people so they would tell me I was pretty or give me attention. And that is a DANGEROUS place to be.

As soon as I noticed the pattern, I deleted the app and focused on giving myself the love I desired.

It’s not fair to rely on somebody else to make you feel worthy. That has to come from within.

But casual dating can be a lot of fun if done for the right reasons. You can meet brand new people with fascinating backgrounds and stories. You can get comfortable putting yourself in new situations. And you can relish in the beauty that is human connection.

Plus, if you remove the pressure from dating, it will be way more fun! You will feel less stressed and nervous, and you’ll probably make a better impression on them anyway.

The world is filled with beautiful, unique humans and everybody knows something that you don’t. That means that every single person has something they can teach you. Ask questions. Listen. And learn.

I’m not saying everything will always be perfect. There will be boring dates. There will be great dates that disappoint.

But that’s life! Things won’t always be perfect. But there’s a silver lining in every single situation.

Bad dates teach you the things you don’t want in a partner. Good dates show you what you do want. And all dates will help you be more comfortable and confident with yourself.

I know that we’re all looking for love. But there are so many wonderful things to appreciate along the way.

And who knows, maybe you’ll accidentally find your soulmate while you’re out there exploring.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, grab yourself a FREE copy of “The One Habit That Will Transform Your Life” at www.amillionhappythoughts.com.